Monday, August 11, 2003
[ i'm not sure of anyone, but i've got friends ]
LAST PERSON WHO..
. Slept in your bed: Me
. Saw you cry: umm probably steph
. Made you cry: john
. Spent the night at your house: steph
. You shared a drink with: umm steph
. You went to the movies with: saba, emili, and kt
. You went to the mall with: saba, emili, and kt
. Yelled at you: my parents
. Sent you an e-mail: dunno havent checked lately
. Said they were going to kill you: i dunno probably my brother a long time ago
HAVE YOU EVER..
. Said "I love you" and meant it? yes to chris, and i wish i could have got the chance to tell john i love him.
. Gotten in a fight w/ your dog/cat/bird/fish,etc.? umm actually i think i have.
. Been to New York? yep
. Been to Florida? yep
. California? yep
. Hawaii? No but saba is there right now!
. Mexico? Nope
. China? Nope
. Canada? yes
. France? yep!!!!!!
. Danced naked? i think so
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day? nope
. Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened? oh yeah.
. Wish you were the opposite sex? nope
. Had an imaginary friend? nope
. Red or blue? red
. Spring or fall? spring
. Santa or Rudolph? Rudolph
. Math or English? math
. What are you going to do after you finish this survey? je ne sais pas
. What was the last food you ate? a snickers
. High school or college? well im in high school right now, and its great b.c of my friends, but college seems like it would be cool, but i dunno yet since im only a junior. sooo...
. Are you bored? nah
. How many buddies are on? 19.. but my away message is on
. Last movie you saw? orange county lol
. Last noise you heard? well im listening to dashboard so yeah
. Last time you went out of the state: i went to north carolina in july
. Things you like in a girl/guy: he has to have a great personality, and he has to have a sense of humor, and he has to have beautiful and dark eyes.
. Do you have a crush on someone? im in love with someone. its not a crush
. Do they know? yes they do..
. What's his/her name? john
. What do you think of ouija boards? i think we move the things subconciously
. What book are you reading now? i'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
. What's on your mouse pad? its plain red
. Favourite magazine? YM or Seventeen.. or AP
. Worst feeling in the world? being in love and not knowing how the other person feels
. What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? must hit the snooze button if its during school
. How many rings before you answer? how ever many it takes to get to the phone
. Future daughter's name? Jamie Alexandra ( possibly )
. Future son's name? Andrew Michael ( ive always wanted to name my son that )
. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? nope
. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? anyone who got to travel to the most beautiful places in the world
. Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous? righty but i swear im almost ambidextrous. im so good at it. lol its scary
. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? nope and im really good with typing. i type super fast
. What's under your bed? i dont even wanna know
. Favourite sport to watch? baseball probably
. Hair Colour: brown with red highlights
. Eye Colour: light brown
. Height Currently: 5'1"
. Glasses/contacts: contacts
. Current Age: 16
. Siblings: brother Morgan
. Siblings Age: 18
. Location: Reynoldsburg Ohio
. College Plans: i'm gonna be a double major in history and education. i dunno where im going to go though. possibly Kent State. i want to be a european history teacher
. Any Piercings: ears
. Best Friends: steph, litz, shaun, john, chris, jack, saba
. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: i wish it was john. but right now im single. im staying that way til i win him back.
. Current Crush: john. duh
. Hobbies: reading, writing poetry, watching buffy, angel or smallville. reading harry potter.
. What Type Automobile Do You Drive: i dont have my license yet lol. ill probably get my brothers stupid mercury sable.
. Are You Timely Or Always Late: ehh im usually there right before i need to be like with a few minutes to spare
. Do You Like Being Around People: no. i realized i hate my school. there is too many people.
STUFF
. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: no.
. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: hell yes
. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person you always go after: he has to be tall, with dark hair, and dark eyes. he has to have a sense of humor and a great personality.
. Do You Have A Job: yep. but i think i might put in an application at max and ermas or target
. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yeah first i liked anthony and now im in love with one of my best guy friends.
. Are You Lonely Right Now: yeah.
. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: actually yes
. Do You Want To Get Married: yes
. Do You Want Kids: yeah. but i dont wanna have to go thru labor
FAVORITE
. Room In house: my room
. Type of music: scremo, emo, "punk" whatever you wanna call it. ummm rock, some metal. i like a lot of shit
. Song: i have a lot... "what it is to burn"- finch "on my own"-the used "best deceptions"-dashboard "walking by"- something corporate "your own disaster"-taking back sunday.. ok i have to many
. Memory: any with my friends. most though any when i was with john.
. Day Of The Week: saturday? it used to be tuesday cuz buffy was on, but now its over :(
. Color: red
. Perfume Or Cologne: clinique happy, or this one i got at hot topic. or any of the ones i got from france
. Flower: hmm good question
. Month: may or january
. Season: spring or winter
. Location for dates: i dont go on dates, i usually just hang out.
IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
. Cried: yes
. Bought Something: hmm i dunno
. Gotten Sick: nope
. Sang: yep
. Said I Love You: not so anyone heard me
. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: yes. everyday.
. Met Someone New: yeah
. Moved On: no
. Talked To Someone: Yes
. Had A Serious Talk: no. that makes me miss france
. Missed Someone: always
. Hugged Someone: yes
. Kissed Someone: no, shaun tried to kiss me, eek.
. Fought With Your Parents: Yea
. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: always
. Had a lot of sleep: Yes
. Wanted This Survey To Be Over: nah
my thoughts at 02:55 pm by fullcollapse
[ an empty space has filled the void behind my face ]
ok so well im on my other computer and for some reason it doesnt let me choose the color i want my font to be? retarded if you ask me but im too lazy to walk to my room to just get to change my font color.
ok well nothing really is going on today. tonight though steph is picking me up, and i have to stay at her house like i said yesterday.
i spent my time in the shower thinking about what im gonna wear tomorrow because ill have my new school ID made and also my junior picture taken. lol i think i might wear my AFI shirt but im not sure. lol
hmm so my brother is home from New York now. he went to Warped Tour but he didnt know the bands i liked so he didnt get me anything. even though i know he knows the bands i like. oh well its cool. august 17th i have to help him move into his dorm. poop. lol not the way i wanted to spend one of my last days of summer but oh well. actually school doesnt start til the 3rd for me. the freshman are the only ones who have to go the first day. our school thinks they should get to know their way around or something without us upperclassmen around? i dunno. no one really picks on anyone at my high school. well no one ever picked on me. maybe its cuz all my friends are older? hell i dunno. i dont think anyone gets picked on. lol
and now im gonna go. i have to send in my author's proof to this poetry publishing company. ill explain later.
the world has turned and left me here
my thoughts at 02:28 pm by fullcollapse
[ this is where i say i've had enough ]
yeah so its 12:31 am and shaun steph and jack just left. lol my dad kicked them out cuz he couldnt sleep with them here. they just came up and knocked on my window lol.
my recent obsession is now dashboard. dunno why though. im so weird
i dropped off 5 more rolls of film from france to get developed.
ok well i have nothing else to say. just thought i would write a little something before i headed off to bed. ok so im not really going to bed right now but yeah.
Cause turning to you, is like falling in love when your 10.
my thoughts at 12:35 am by fullcollapse
Sunday, August 10, 2003
[ i heard about your regrets ]
so now that my fonts are totally working again... im happy.
last night everyone went over to shaun's for a cookout. shaun was going to pick me up at like 2 but chris wanted to take me for some reason, but chris didnt get off til 8. so i sat and watched lord of the rings. and then around 5:30 i saw john get online. so i got him to take me. we had to pick up this patty chick.. shes only going to be a sophomore! im like uhhhh dude no john... but john and i were flirting some. lol. i was laying on shauns top bunk, and he got up there with me, oh yeah also the lights were off and i was up there because i didnt wanna be bothered cuz john and patty were making out, so yeah... well shaun comes up there and tries to kiss me. im like dude your like my brother. hes my best friend and he knows it. he knows i dont share those feelings. hmm
but then when i finally came outta shauns room i found out john took patty home. and john and i flirted some more. and it was about 11:45 and we were making pizzas but john had to leave and even though i didnt have to be home til 1 i got a ride from john. i mean hello im in love with him, im not gonna pass up a ride home. lol.
so on the way home we were listening to a cd he made and on it was star wars music lol. and he was like i think im gonna go home and watch attack of the clones. and i was like dude i was just thinking the same thing. cuz i was gonna watch it earlier today. but i watched lord of the rings instead. and then we got to my driveway, and he held my face and gave me a face that i cant explain. its what i call a john face, and then i got out and he just looked at me like that til i got to my door, and he whistled at me. i was like ummm.. right. lol
so anyways i came home, and made macaroni and cheese, and then kicked my dad off the tv with the dvd player and i started watching attack of the clones. by the way thats why my away message said i was doing. and then about 30 minutes into it, i hear someone IM me, and its john and hes like I WAS JUST WATCHING THAT TOO!!! and so IMed him back and we started talking and i asked him if he had fun at shauns, and he said no he is haveing mixed feelings. i didnt know what he meant by that except its about girls. but i didnt wanna just barge in and ask him to explain. i figure if he wants me to know , he will tell me. but then he got off, and he said ill talk to you later hotstuff. and he hasnt called me that since we were dating. usually he just says later or something. so it makes me wonder.
anyways enough about john. dave called me yesterday, and he was like i broke my other phone so i had to buy a new one. he also told me i was lucky he had my number memorized and i was thinking oh yeah im soooo lucky. sike. i mean i like dave still somewhat, but who calls people when they are on vacation?? weirdo
today mom dad and i drove to buckeye lake to look at houses. i think they wanna buy a house that we can go to on the weekends sometimes. what im thinking is a place for me and my friends can go to and we can party or have a cook out. lol ALCOHOL is what i think bout most. lol. the only problem is john isnt able to stay the night anywhere, which i believe is because the death of his sister. but im not gonna get into that. but yeah
well ashley asked me to stay the night, but since i was out last night and tomorrow night i have to stay at stephs, i wasnt allowed to stay at ash's. i have to stay at stephs tomorrow cuz tuesday her mom is taking us to arena. and its at 10 so its easier for me to stay the night then her drive over to my house to get me. so yeah...
well i think im gonna go now. im kinda hungry. and dad and i are gonna go get a movie here soon.
oh yeah and i cant wait til august 26th TWO TOWERS COME OUT BABY!
again i go unnoticed
my thoughts at 06:55 pm by fullcollapse
Friday, August 08, 2003
[ i'm so tired of being here ]
ok so yet another day here in my boring pathetic life...
hmm so i talked to john last night . i dunno why i put that on here, because i talk to him everynight? oh well im just retarded. i went to bed around 1:30 and around 1:45 jess IMed me, and needed to talk to me, but i didnt come back. i got the message this morning. i think its important. it makes me scared. hmm maybe im just paranoid. yeah thats it....
my friend thomas stole some i think it might have been alcohol from krogers last week, and he got caught. he never returned home, so as of i think 2 days ago at midnight, he was considered a runaway. so im kinda worried for him. i hope hes ok. :(
so im listening to Konstantine by Something Corporate. its so sad. it makes me want to cry. something corporate is my new obsession. i remember the first time i ever really listened to them, it was with john on the way to school. lol. but lately its all ive been listening to to. well thats a lie. ive been listening to Killswitch Engage and Senses Fail, and Story Of The Year, but whoa Something Corporate and those bands... big difference lol.
anyways..
"the present is just a pleasent interruption to the past." - Konstantine...
had to put that in there. i love that.
last night i got my pictures from France. :-D im sooo happy. lol i got the ones from Versailles, and some of the ones from the Eiffle Tower. and i got the ones from the Louvre with the Mona Lisa. :) and then some from the south of France, when we went on a boat ride. i still have 8 rolls to get developed. i lost one so i have to look all over for it today. if i dont find it i think i will cry. seriously. but i cry a lot anyways so it wont be a big change or anything.
i miss france. but i dont miss not being able to understand what they are saying. well i could understand some. but not much. that was the best experience of my life. well minus the part where danae and elise locked mine and abbys luggage in our room. lol and when we got in a stupid argument with lyndsey, heidi, and christine, but what else is new. they have never liked erin and i. and now jess got in on it too. but now days they wont say anything to me. its funny. cuz they will to everyone else, but not me. and i know they dont like me, but they dont have the guts to say anything to me. which i think is pretty funny.
i talked to my brother yesterday. hes in new york right now with his girlfriend, and when he gets back hes going to college in southern ohio. i hate to say it, but im going to miss him. we dont fight as much anymore. :(
its hard for me to believe that at the end of this school year, all my closest friends except 2 will be graduating. its gonna be hard on me. and im serious. john, ryan, chris, shaun, jack, megan and carie are all leaving me. shaun already told me he wasnt going to college, so ill still have him. i think though that for john, ryan, and chris, they will go to OSU. i dont think they are planning on going far away. if they dont live on campus, they will still live at home. lol. john will live on campus though, because i know he cant stand his parents. he will love to get out of there. but the only thing is, i wonder if they are going to pursue music. hmm dunno. as for megan and carie, i dunno what they are going to do.... my senior year it will be me, steph, thomas(hopefully), and Jen. thats for our group anyways. ill still have Litz, Erin, Jess, Katie, Saba, Emili, and Kt. notice all my guy friends are gone. lol. and dave and ricky will be graduating but they go to Groveport, they will probablky pursue music, or i dunno. dave went to eastland for architecture. so hmmm..... just the things to ponder in life.
anyways.... i have to go to arena next week to make my whole schedule. which is fucking gay. i liked the way they did it last year and the year before. they gave you a schedule and you went to arena to change it. grrrrrrrrrrrr... gay people. and now we have to have 8 periods and we get out at 2:16 instead of 2:00. and we start 5 minutes earlier this year at 7:20. last year we had 7 periods and if we were taking an 8th period we got out at 2:50. it was optional to take an 8th period. i hate our school.
im going to go now. i have to tell my mom that im leaving at 5 with megan. and around 6:30 we are going to the fair.
if you listen, listen close, you can hear when the heart stops, i saved the pieces, when it broke, and ground them all to dust. -AFI
my thoughts at 12:03 pm by fullcollapse
Thursday, August 07, 2003
[ until the day i die, i'll spill my heart for you ]
ok... so i sit watching All My Children..and ring ring. the phone does just that. so i check the caller ID . low and behold its none other than Dave. he calls and we talk about nothing while my show is on commercial. and he gets all mad when i let him go. im like dude your on vacation. but he said he was mad cuz his friends were being dumb so we was walking by himself on the beach. and he took his keys with him, so they couldnt take the Vibe and leave. i was just like oh im sorry. what else was i supposed to say?
get ready for this. this just proves im a geek. i love napoleon bonaparte. i watched a 2 hour documentary on him. too bad i learned all the same stuff this past year in Advanced Western Civilization. get this, when in english we got to pick any topic to do a report on, i picked napoleon. i should have actually picked buffy, but i didnt . oh well.
hmm so now its 4:02, its quite boring. i want to get out. but i have no license to be able to drive. although i should. afterall i am 16. but hmmm nope.
looking up,
into the sky of broken dreams,
i feel the life drain away from me,
as my last dream is pulled from my very being.
do not waste your pity on me i ask,
after i'm buried in that spot,
i'll come back,
i'll get a second shot.
these lies i feed myself,
are my only hope,
but now i put them on the shelf,
i lose myself to cope.
as the dreams fall tonight,
i enter a trance,
you're far out of sight,
but tonight we will dance.
um so now that i got that out... it was weird, i just started writing. hmm weird. no not really. thats how i am. if you can't tell.
my mom will be home soon. hopefully we will go get my france pictures. probably not though. she always says we will go do something, but finds someway to back out. like when i need to go shopping. and i realize now i dont ask as much as she thinks. sure when i go, i find many things i want, but hey everyone has wants. but i really want to go thrifting right now. shaun and i are supposed to go before school starts. but he has to take jack and adam, its a tradition to go thrifting together. weird if you ask me. but hmmm.... oh well..
well im talking to jess right now bout john and angie and what not. so im gone.
the light filters thru, edging the darkness back. only to have the shades of time pulled shut.
my thoughts at 04:11 pm by fullcollapse
[ i don't believe in you now ]
so i dunno really. im on my other computer now, but once again its being even weirder. oh well screw it.. right? yeah
john is going to trapt on friday with angie yeah he works with her. i know who she is. shes pretty. but i dont know why im getting upset. i mean he went out with amanda? but hmm i dunno.
im still lost on the dave thing. i didnt know there was still an "us". but hmm maybe it was because he was piss-ass drunk? i dunno. but i have a sudden urge to drown myself and my sorrows in a big beer. hmm... out of almost all the girls i know, most don't like the taste of beer. and i didn't at first, but hey now its great. lol. steph, saba, and emili, all believe i will come back to our high school reunion and i will be the alcoholic. i see it differently as i have discussed with erin. she and i will return being the only two not married. and then katie (m) and i have decided she and i will return all fat because all the italian foods we eat now. so heres what i will be when i go for my reunion ( saying i graduate of course) ... i will be the fat, alcoholic, unmarried one. hmm sounds like a good pick don't ya think?
hmm i realize now i just asked my blog a question, that surely it cannot answer. but hey when you're crazy such as i. its ok.
tomorrow im going to the Ohio State Fair with Megan and Carie. Litz had invited me last friday to go with her tomorrow. but it was going to be her, frank (her b/f), carmen, and melissa. so i passed.
this will be the 2nd year in a row i go with megan. john chris megan and i all went last year. but thats when john liked her and chris and i didnt know her. so she didnt say one word lol. also this is when i started liking john. long time i know.
anyways... its thundering outside my windows of my safe haven. or so i think of it as safe. i love thunderstorms. they are beautiful, with the streaks of lightening lighting up the sky. at night of course. but during the day such as the situation today, they calm me. the thunder is a comforting sound. and the smell after it rains is intoxicating.
september is going to be a great month minus school starting again. on the 23rd im going to see thursday in concert and then 2 days later on the 25th i get to see Taking Back Sunday and Saves The Day. how sweet is that? very. i know..
well i think i shall go now. ill update some later.. possibly..
theres a little in all of us. the deep passion, and urge to kill the one you love.
my thoughts at 12:22 pm by fullcollapse
[ i slit your throat for youre beautiful ]
one day... on day i swear i will understand the world. and its inhabitants. i am going to make sure of it. so dave has called me more today. he called me and told me how drunk he was. of course i was envious. but thats not the whole of it. he said i need to think about "us". like as if there was still an "us". i mean yes, i do have feelings for dave. BUT.. my love is john. even if im not with him, he will always be my love. and dave knows that. he said he couldnt think about dating someone who had feelings for someone else. well deeper feelings. and of course i do. but thats why i dont get why i have to think about us. my computer is being weird. or maybe its this site. it wont let me change my font or anything. im like uh dude thats jewish. oops i dont mean to offend anyone ( if i did im sorry) but anyways tomorrow i get my first 4 rolls of pictures back ( they are from france). well im in love with john thats all i am saying and now im going to go. hopefully the computer isnt retarded tomorrow. and i can do whatever with it. your eyes make me feel like a stranger in my own body, penetrating my very being, you're my drug. my thoughts at 12:28 am by fullcollapse
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
[ adding to this confusion ]
my thoughts at 12:42 pm by fullcollapse
[ the answer lies within ]
[ right now ] ...listening to something corporate.
so dave called me this morning? which i still can not figure out why. he's in holden beach right now. and me and him aren't dating anymore. so why call me? yeah i still have a tiny bit of feelings left for him, but i never wanted anything serious with him anyways. he was all like oh yeah im looking at the beach right now i was like "dude i was at the next beach over( Ocean Isle Beach, NC) for 2 weeks plus i went to france, i so have you beat" and he was like "well next year im going to arizona, california, florida keys, cancun, and the bahamas." i still have him beat, FRANCE beats all that. they don't speak english there, and its a 9 hour flight so he can kiss my ass.
oh well we shall not dwell on the past. and focus on the presesnt. and about my shower i need to take here soon. hmmm nah it can wait.
i'm a vegetarian, just another crazy thing about me. which also gets a lot of attention even though i dont want it to. all my friends try and get me to eat meat. ryan likes to put it right in my face. but what none of them know is WHY i dont eat meat. its not because i care about the animals ( dont get me wrong i do) but its because i dont even like meat. just one more thing to make me pshyco. well to some people anyways.
all my children is on in an hour. the only pathetic soap i watch. yes i know they are full of shit and retarded but steph made me watch it.
wow. i dont know what to say. weird.
ok hmmm my dad is still home. which im not sure why. i wish he would leave. i love being alone. in this life, its my escape. i can do whatever, and not care. music and poetry are my other escapes from this world. when i write im someplace else as i pour my feelings into words. and when i listen to music, my feelings are played out by their words.
what makes it so easy for you to be walking by? this question still plagues my tiny little thing we humans like to call a brain.
dont say a word,
i understand.
no use for sound,
we are one mind.
i see thru my eyes,
you see thru yours.
but the feelings,
those we share.
sorry random poem. that tends to happen to me. the words just flow out.
i think i am going to go get on my other computer. so as soon as i get on, i will write another entry. because thats what i need to keep myself from going insane. i have to bear myself and let out my thought before they take over my brain and i become a stranger in this body.
close your eyes, ill take you away, and then i'll slit youre throat. because i love you.
my thoughts at 12:01 pm by fullcollapse
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[ called ] Kaitlin
[ remix ] Kate, Kiddo, Katie ( to a select few anyways )
[ blows out the candles ] May 25
[ candles ] 16
[ brushes ] dark brown hair with red highlighs
[ sees the world thru ] brown eyes
[ stands at ] 5'1"
[ ear candy ] Finch, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, Further Seems Forever, Thursday, Evanescence, Saves The Day, Something Corporate, Dashboard, Juliana Theory, Weezer, AFI, Korn, Taproot, TRUSTcompany, Adema, Saliva, Day Before Disaster ( much love to you guys ), 2nd Day ( i love ya guys! ) much more...
[ latitude, longitude ] Reynoldsburg, Ohio
[ lives for ] shaun. but i'm still in love with John...complicated i know  the true love of my life lol
Now it has occurred and I can't escape, from these memories that run so deep, prevented of everything devoid of sleep, and my attempt at deletion remains incomplete.
Contact Me
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