[ full collapse ]

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

[ this is my last serenade ]

~BASICS~
1.What does your name mean? Kaitlin means "pure" haha
2.How old are you? 16
3.How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?)? sometimes im 16, sometimes im 25
4.Describe yourself in 5 words: depressed, caring, pessimistic, in love
5.What are your worst qualities: i look on the down side of everything, i get depressed, im in love with someone and i dunno how they feel about me.
6.What are your best qualities: im smart, i always have a smile when im around people, i try to have a big heart, i get along with almost anyone.
7.How long does it take you get get ready in the morning? 30 minutes-45 minutes

~SLEEP~
8.Do you dream at night? yup
9.Do you remember your dreams? yeah
10.Describe one: mr freeman was wearing a pink suit and i broke my earring and i showed him while me and him and my brother were walking in the middle of the road, then we meet john at huber, who invites me and my bro to go watch dog races.. thats one of the weirdest ones lol
11.What time do you go to bed usually? during school..12... during summer... whenver usually 2:30
12.What time do you wake up normally? school-6:20 summer-11:30
13.What time do you wake on weekends? 11:30
14.Do you find waking late nice or annoying? both
15.Do you sleep with one pillow or two? Neither, I sleep with 3

~SCHOOL~
16.Do you like school? yes and no
17.Why/why not? i see my friends/ i hate english
18.Whats your fave subject? history :)
19.Most hated subject? English
20.Do you have a fave teacher? Mr. Holmes.. he retired
21.Ever had a crush on a teacher? Nope
22.Are you a math/science person or an english/drama person? Math/science

~FRIENDS~
23.Do you have heaps of friends? no not really
24.Do you have a best friend? I have a couple
25.Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? Guy friends
26.Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? Yeah, don't we all sometimes?
27.Have you ever lied to a friend? Yeah
28.Have you ever stolen a friends boyfriend/girlfriend? Nope

~FAMILY~
29.Do you like your parents? sometimes
30.Ever run away from home? nah
31.Ever thought about it? All the time
32.Do you have any siblings? yea
33.If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? Annoyed
34.How old are they? 18
35.If not, do you mind being an only child? .....
36.Do you feel your parents spoil you? not really
37.Do you not get along with any of your family? Yup
38.Do you have big family get togethers ever? no

~RELATIONSHIPS~
39.Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Not at the moment
40.If so, are you in love with them? I was with my last one.
41.Do they love you? hard to tell
42.How long have you been together? It was 2 months
43.Most romantic thing they've ever done for you? sang me a song at the coffee shop
44.Do you have a crush? Yup
45.If so, are you in love? Still am
46.Do they know you like them? Yup
47.Is it serious or playful? Serious (or WAS I should say)
48.How long have you liked them? july 2002
49.Ever done something stupid to impress them? nope
50.Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Ummm...what?
51.Do you find it romantic or hurtful? ?????
52.Even know what it is? Nah

~SEX~
53.Ever had sex? nope, came very close though
54.Believe that a person shouldn't have sex before marriage? Nah
55.Believe in casual sex? nah
56.When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity? people plan these things?
57.Did you regret it? since i havent how can i regret it?

~RELIGION~
58.Do you have a religion? Roman Catholicism, but i am thinking about practicing wicca
59.Do you practice it (i.e go to church)? nope
60.Do you believe in God? Yes
61.Jesus? Yes
62.Satan? no
63.Heaven? Yes
64.Hell? no
65.If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you? Go to Heaven
66.Does death scare you? somewhat

~MORALS~
67.Have you ever been drunk? Yup lol
68.Taken drugs? Just my medication ;-)
60.Stolen? no comment
61.Shoplifted? no comment
62.Tried to commit suicide? Never tried, thought bout it..
63.Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? we had just broken up.. it wasnt a lie when i said it!!!
64.Gotten into a fight? Oh, yeah lotsa times
65.Are you more innocent or guilty? GUILTY
66.Would you date a drug addict? sure. if thats how i felt about them
67.Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? No
68.Are you racist? ...i try not to be...but live in reynoldsburg and it gets hard
69.Are you discriminatory to anyone? .....
70.Have you been a hypocrite in the past? Yeah
71.Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? open

~MEDIA~
72.Do you watch tons of tv? nope only buffy, angel, smallville.
73.How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? 10 times?
74.Do you listnen to the radio often? nope i never do
75.Do you read the newspaper? the comics
76.Do you read magazines? Yup
77.Are you a couch potato? not really
78.Do you use the internet too much? Haha OH YEAH

~MUSIC~
79.Whats your fave style of music? scremo, emo, "punk", rock, alternative
80.Do you play an instrument? the clarinet.. i used to anyways lol.
81.Do you sing? to myself
82.Whats your fave band/artist? finch, the used, thursday, taking back sunday, saves the day, weezer, evanescence, something corporate, senses fail, story of the year, killswitch engage, dashboard confessional, thrice, adema, korn, trustcompany, taproot, DAY BEFORE DISASTER AND 2ND DAY!!!!
83.Why? the emotions that go with emo and everything. i love korn because i can listen to it when im angry
84.Have you met them before? ive met trust company.. dbd and 2nd day yes lol
85. Name 3 cds that youve bought in that last year: thrice, taking back sunday, finch
86.Why did you buy them? cuz i love them

~SPORTS~
87.Whats your fave sport? baseball, football
88.Whats your fave sport to watch? football
89.Do you have a fave team of any sort? OHIO STATE BUCKEYES NATIONAL CHAMPIONS HELL YEAH
90.Do you play a lot of sports? no
91.Ever won anything for sports? medals in track

~PERSONALITY~
92.Are you funny or serious? Both
93.Creative or not? Creative
94.Logical thinker or lateral thinker? Huh?
95.Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing
96.Are you lazy or active? Both
97.Have you ever been hyperactive? Yeah
98.Are you a naturally hyperactive person? Um nah I dont think so

~LOOKS~
99.Are you happy with the way you look? sure
100.What would you change? i dunno.
101.Do you wear makeup regularly? pretty much just foundation, blush, and eyeliner
102.Do you have a large wardrobe? nope, dont feel a need for it

~MONEY~
103.Do you have a job? yes
104.Do you like it? Not really, but hey I get paid without doing much
105.Are you a saver or a spender? both
106.Do you work hard or slack off? Both
107.Have you ever been fired? Nope
108.In trouble at work? Nah
109.Made a major mistake? no
110. Ever had money stolen from you? No
111.Are you always broke? Sometimes

~EMBARASSING MOMENTS~
112.Your all time most embarassing moment? i really dunno
113.Ever snorted drink out your nose? milk... lol
114.Ever giggled like an idiot? Oh yeah
115.Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? probably
116.Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? Yup, all the time
117.Ever said soemthing really stupid? All the damn time!
118.Ever snorted while laughing? i dont think so
119.Ever fallen off a bed? Yes
120.Ever sleepwalked? UM I dont think so
121.Ever sleeptalked? probably

~MEMORIES~
122.Whats your best memory? 07/30/02- Warped Tour and 01/11/03- the day John and I started officially going out.
123.Worst? 05/31/03-the day my grandma died.
124.Whats the wierdest memory you have? hmm i have a lot of weird memories
125.Do you have a good memory? Yup
126.Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? who knows

~THOUGHTS~
127.Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you? yep!!
128.Whats the firs thought that comes to your head when you hear?
*Melissa: ew
*Bob: my dad
*Vanessa: Carlton
*Alyssa: history
*Jess: best friend
*Brian: 2nd day singer
*Charlie: brown
*Olivia: grease
*Drew: barrymore
*Lily: POTTER (HARRY'S MOM!!!!!)
*Anita: ummm
*cheese: yum
*rubber: duckie
*clothes: comfy
*big: dick
*dress: homecoming
*jacket: cold
*polyester: 70's
*kite: string
*washing: clothes

~THIS OR THAT~
129. Mulan or Moulin Rouge? Moulin Rouge.. never saw the movie. but ive been outside the real place
130. 7 Up or Dr. Pepper? 7 up
131. Coke or Pepsi? Coke even though i dont drink pop
132. Hamsters or Gerbils? neither
133. Rats or Mice? mice
134. The Swings or the Slide? Swings
135. Rollercoaster or Merry-Go-Round? merry go round
136. Sneakers, Sandals, or No Shoes? Sneakers
137. Italian or Mexican food? Italian. holy shit i cant live without it
138. Fast Food or Sit Down Restaurant? does wendys answer that
139. The Sun or the Moon? moon

~WHO'S~
140. Number one on your hit list? Heidi
141. On your aol instant messaging list? my friends
142. The person you talk to most online? shaun
143. The person you talk to least online? who knows
144. The person who calls you every other day? dave
145. Is there anyone that dumped you when you most needed them? i guess
146. The last person you talked to on the phone with? my mom, but other than that, dave
147. The person/people you're with the most? My family, and steph.
148. Never home? My brother
149. Always home? Me
150. Do you love? John M

my thoughts at 08:33 pm by fullcollapse
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[ i could stay here all day, but thats not how you feel ]

I have issues with...

discipline
broken
persecution
age
scars

Take Word Association Test

Your surface personality is Type 4	Your overall personality is Type 5w4

my thoughts at 07:27 pm by fullcollapse
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[ missing your bed, i never sleep ]

yeah.. last night wasnt a good night for me, as you can tell from the last entry.

i calmed down a little bit after i wrote that, i realized maybe i didnt wait long enough. people wait for a long time for love to find them. and well love may have found me, but it hasnt found him yet. and since you need two people to fall in love...

i watched attack of the clones today , and harry potter and the chamber of secrets.

got my france pics back. some really turned out bad. i think the xray machines at the airport messed them up.

i have 3 rolls left to get developed.

i havent been hungry today. and thats odd. its one of my lapses that happens alot. i go thru periods of time where i barely eat anything and my parents think im anorexic. and im not.

hmm well im gonna go.

maybe when the room is empty, maybe when the bottles full, maybe when the door gets broke down, love can break in.

my thoughts at 07:16 pm by fullcollapse
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[ dreams don't come true ]

arena today. made my schedule.

shaun made me realize i push everyone who cares about me away. well guys i mean.

ive been living in a dream world for too long. my hopes were up so high, that he would return the feelings. i couldnt tell what was real and what was dream. and now that i realize this, my tears flow like a river from my eyes. and i cant quite see straight.

love is destruction.

dreams are a myth. a legend. a fairy tale if you must.

but yet i feel that its still love that i feel for john. im pitiful. truly pitiful. im hopeless now too. i used up my hope. i held onto the little tiny things that meant nothing to him and meant everything to me. he was the reason i would have a smile on my face. and im beginning to wonder if i ever made him smile. did he ever feel as deeply as i do?

the way he looked at me, the things he would say, made me keep having hope. and im wondering if he did it to make me miserable. or if he did it for some other motive.

my imagination is running away with me. im only hoping for the worst. its only bad news from here.

the glass is half empty. but hasnt it always been that way?

ive begun my long downward spiral. depression is my best friend. i cant escape. not without hope.

once again i have to find it before anything changes

i was too much of a daydreamer. i though with time things would change.

did i not give it enough time. no i gave plenty. at least 7 months.

goodnight. i shouldve know he was a killer. but now im dead.

this is my last serenade.

my thoughts at 12:17 am by fullcollapse
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Monday, August 11, 2003

[ i'm not sure of anyone, but i've got friends ]

LAST PERSON WHO..
. Slept in your bed: Me
. Saw you cry: umm probably steph
. Made you cry: john
. Spent the night at your house: steph
. You shared a drink with: umm steph
. You went to the movies with: saba, emili, and kt
. You went to the mall with: saba, emili, and kt
. Yelled at you: my parents
. Sent you an e-mail: dunno havent checked lately
. Said they were going to kill you: i dunno probably my brother a long time ago

HAVE YOU EVER..
. Said "I love you" and meant it? yes to chris, and i wish i could have got the chance to tell john i love him.
. Gotten in a fight w/ your dog/cat/bird/fish,etc.? umm actually i think i have.
. Been to New York? yep
. Been to Florida? yep
. California? yep
. Hawaii? No but saba is there right now!
. Mexico? Nope
. China? Nope
. Canada? yes
. France? yep!!!!!!
. Danced naked? i think so
. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day? nope
. Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened? oh yeah.
. Wish you were the opposite sex? nope
. Had an imaginary friend? nope

. Red or blue? red
. Spring or fall? spring
. Santa or Rudolph? Rudolph
. Math or English? math
. What are you going to do after you finish this survey? je ne sais pas
. What was the last food you ate? a snickers
. High school or college? well im in high school right now, and its great b.c of my friends, but college seems like it would be cool, but i dunno yet since im only a junior. sooo...
. Are you bored? nah
. How many buddies are on? 19.. but my away message is on
. Last movie you saw? orange county lol
. Last noise you heard? well im listening to dashboard so yeah
. Last time you went out of the state: i went to north carolina in july
. Things you like in a girl/guy: he has to have a great personality, and he has to have a sense of humor, and he has to have beautiful and dark eyes.
. Do you have a crush on someone? im in love with someone. its not a crush
. Do they know? yes they do..
. What's his/her name? john
. What do you think of ouija boards? i think we move the things subconciously
. What book are you reading now? i'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
. What's on your mouse pad? its plain red
. Favourite magazine? YM or Seventeen.. or AP
. Worst feeling in the world? being in love and not knowing how the other person feels
. What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? must hit the snooze button if its during school
. How many rings before you answer? how ever many it takes to get to the phone
. Future daughter's name? Jamie Alexandra ( possibly )
. Future son's name? Andrew Michael ( ive always wanted to name my son that )
. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate
. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? nope
. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? anyone who got to travel to the most beautiful places in the world
. Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous? righty but i swear im almost ambidextrous. im so good at it. lol its scary
. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? nope and im really good with typing. i type super fast
. What's under your bed? i dont even wanna know
. Favourite sport to watch? baseball probably
. Hair Colour: brown with red highlights
. Eye Colour: light brown
. Height Currently: 5'1"
. Glasses/contacts: contacts
. Current Age: 16
. Siblings: brother Morgan
. Siblings Age: 18
. Location: Reynoldsburg Ohio
. College Plans: i'm gonna be a double major in history and education. i dunno where im going to go though. possibly Kent State. i want to be a european history teacher
. Any Piercings: ears
. Best Friends: steph, litz, shaun, john, chris, jack, saba
. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: i wish it was john. but right now im single. im staying that way til i win him back.
. Current Crush: john. duh
. Hobbies: reading, writing poetry, watching buffy, angel or smallville. reading harry potter.
. What Type Automobile Do You Drive: i dont have my license yet lol. ill probably get my brothers stupid mercury sable.
. Are You Timely Or Always Late: ehh im usually there right before i need to be like with a few minutes to spare
. Do You Like Being Around People: no. i realized i hate my school. there is too many people.

STUFF
. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: no.
. Have You Ever Cried Over Something Someone of The Opposite Sex Did: hell yes
. Do You Have A "Type" Of Person you always go after: he has to be tall, with dark hair, and dark eyes. he has to have a sense of humor and a great personality.
. Do You Have A Job: yep. but i think i might put in an application at max and ermas or target
. Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
. Ever Liked a close Guy/Girl Friend: yeah first i liked anthony and now im in love with one of my best guy friends.
. Are You Lonely Right Now: yeah.
. Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: actually yes
. Do You Want To Get Married: yes
. Do You Want Kids: yeah. but i dont wanna have to go thru labor

FAVORITE
. Room In house: my room
. Type of music: scremo, emo, "punk" whatever you wanna call it. ummm rock, some metal. i like a lot of shit
. Song: i have a lot... "what it is to burn"- finch "on my own"-the used "best deceptions"-dashboard "walking by"- something corporate "your own disaster"-taking back sunday.. ok i have to many
. Memory: any with my friends. most though any when i was with john.
. Day Of The Week: saturday? it used to be tuesday cuz buffy was on, but now its over :(
. Color: red
. Perfume Or Cologne: clinique happy, or this one i got at hot topic. or any of the ones i got from france
. Flower: hmm good question
. Month: may or january
. Season: spring or winter
. Location for dates: i dont go on dates, i usually just hang out.

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU:
. Cried: yes
. Bought Something: hmm i dunno
. Gotten Sick: nope
. Sang: yep
. Said I Love You: not so anyone heard me
. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them, But Didn't: yes. everyday.
. Met Someone New: yeah
. Moved On: no
. Talked To Someone: Yes
. Had A Serious Talk: no. that makes me miss france
. Missed Someone: always
. Hugged Someone: yes
. Kissed Someone: no, shaun tried to kiss me, eek.
. Fought With Your Parents: Yea
. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: always
. Had a lot of sleep: Yes
. Wanted This Survey To Be Over: nah

my thoughts at 02:55 pm by fullcollapse
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[ an empty space has filled the void behind my face ]

ok so well im on my other computer and for some reason it doesnt let me choose the color i want my font to be? retarded if you ask me but im too lazy to walk to my room to just get to change my font color.

ok well nothing really is going on today. tonight though steph is picking me up, and i have to stay at her house like i said yesterday.

i spent my time in the shower thinking about what im gonna wear tomorrow because ill have my new school ID made and also my junior picture taken. lol i think i might wear my AFI shirt but im not sure. lol

hmm so my brother is home from New York now. he went to Warped Tour but he didnt know the bands i liked so he didnt get me anything. even though i know he knows the bands i like. oh well its cool. august 17th i have to help him move into his dorm. poop. lol not the way i wanted to spend one of my last days of summer but oh well. actually school doesnt start til the 3rd for me. the freshman are the only ones who have to go the first day. our school thinks they should get to know their way around or something without us upperclassmen around? i dunno. no one really picks on anyone at my high school. well no one ever picked on me. maybe its cuz all my friends are older? hell i dunno. i dont think anyone gets picked on. lol

and now im gonna go. i have to send in my author's proof to this poetry publishing company. ill explain later.

the world has turned and left me here

my thoughts at 02:28 pm by fullcollapse
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[ this is where i say i've had enough ]

yeah so its 12:31 am and shaun steph and jack just left. lol my dad kicked them out cuz he couldnt sleep with them here. they just came up and knocked on my window lol.

my recent obsession is now dashboard. dunno why though. im so weird

i dropped off 5 more rolls of film from france to get developed.

ok well i have nothing else to say. just thought i would write a little something before i headed off to bed. ok so im not really going to bed right now but yeah.

Cause turning to you, is like falling in love when your 10.

my thoughts at 12:35 am by fullcollapse
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Sunday, August 10, 2003

[ i heard about your regrets ]

so now that my fonts are totally working again... im happy.

last night everyone went over to shaun's for a cookout. shaun was going to pick me up at like 2 but chris wanted to take me for some reason, but chris didnt get off til 8. so i sat and watched lord of the rings. and then around 5:30 i saw john get online. so i got him to take me. we had to pick up this patty chick.. shes only going to be a sophomore! im like uhhhh dude no john... but john and i were flirting some. lol. i was laying on shauns top bunk, and he got up there with me, oh yeah also the lights were off and i was up there because i didnt wanna be bothered cuz john and patty were making out, so yeah... well shaun comes up there and tries to kiss me. im like dude your like my brother. hes my best friend and he knows it. he knows i dont share those feelings. hmm

but then when i finally came outta shauns room i found out john took patty home. and john and i flirted some more. and it was about 11:45 and we were making pizzas but john had to leave and even though i didnt have to be home til 1 i got a ride from john. i mean hello im in love with him, im not gonna pass up a ride home. lol.

so on the way home we were listening to a cd he made and on it was star wars music lol. and he was like i think im gonna go home and watch attack of the clones. and i was like dude i was just thinking the same thing. cuz i was gonna watch it earlier today. but i watched lord of the rings instead. and then we got to my driveway, and he held my face and gave me a face that i cant explain. its what i call a john face, and then i got out and he just looked at me like that til i got to my door, and he whistled at me. i was like ummm.. right. lol

so anyways i came home, and made macaroni and cheese, and then kicked my dad off the tv with the dvd player and i started watching attack of the clones. by the way thats why my away message said i was doing. and then about 30 minutes into it, i hear someone IM me, and its john and hes like I WAS JUST WATCHING THAT TOO!!! and so IMed him back and we started talking and i asked him if he had fun at shauns, and he said no he is haveing mixed feelings. i didnt know what he meant by that except its about girls. but i didnt wanna just barge in and ask him to explain. i figure if he wants me to know , he will tell me. but then he got off, and he said ill talk to you later hotstuff. and he hasnt called me that since we were dating. usually he just says later or something. so it makes me wonder.

anyways enough about john. dave called me yesterday, and he was like i broke my other phone so i had to buy a new one. he also told me i was lucky he had my number memorized and i was thinking oh yeah im soooo lucky. sike. i mean i like dave still somewhat, but who calls people when they are on vacation?? weirdo

today mom dad and i drove to buckeye lake to look at houses. i think they wanna buy a house that we can go to on the weekends sometimes. what im thinking is a place for me and my friends can go to and we can party or have a cook out. lol ALCOHOL is what i think bout most. lol. the only problem is john isnt able to stay the night anywhere, which i believe is because the death of his sister. but im not gonna get into that. but yeah

well ashley asked me to stay the night, but since i was out last night and tomorrow night i have to stay at stephs, i wasnt allowed to stay at ash's. i have to stay at stephs tomorrow cuz tuesday her mom is taking us to arena. and its at 10 so its easier for me to stay the night then her drive over to my house to get me. so yeah...

well i think im gonna go now. im kinda hungry. and dad and i are gonna go get a movie here soon.

oh yeah and i cant wait til august 26th TWO TOWERS COME OUT BABY!

again i go unnoticed

my thoughts at 06:55 pm by fullcollapse
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Friday, August 08, 2003

[ i'm so tired of being here ]

ok so yet another day here in my boring pathetic life...

hmm so i talked to john last night . i dunno why i put that on here, because i talk to him everynight? oh well im just retarded. i went to bed around 1:30 and around 1:45 jess IMed me, and needed to talk to me, but i didnt come back. i got the message this morning. i think its important. it makes me scared. hmm maybe im just paranoid. yeah thats it....

my friend thomas stole some i think it might have been alcohol from krogers last week, and he got caught. he never returned home, so as of i think 2 days ago at midnight, he was considered a runaway. so im kinda worried for him. i hope hes ok. :(

so im listening to Konstantine by Something Corporate. its so sad. it makes me want to cry. something corporate is my new obsession. i remember the first time i ever really listened to them, it was with john on the way to school. lol. but lately its all ive been listening to to. well thats a lie. ive been listening to Killswitch Engage and Senses Fail, and Story Of The Year, but whoa Something Corporate and those bands... big difference lol.

anyways..

"the present is just a pleasent interruption to the past." - Konstantine...

had to put that in there. i love that.

last night i got my pictures from France. :-D im sooo happy. lol i got the ones from Versailles, and some of the ones from the Eiffle Tower. and i got the ones from the Louvre with the Mona Lisa. :) and then some from the south of France, when we went on a boat ride. i still have 8 rolls to get developed. i lost one so i have to look all over for it today. if i dont find it i think i will cry. seriously. but i cry a lot anyways so it wont be a big change or anything.

i miss france. but i dont miss not being able to understand what they are saying. well i could understand some. but not much. that was the best experience of my life. well minus the part where danae and elise locked mine and abbys luggage in our room. lol and when we got in a stupid argument with lyndsey, heidi, and christine, but what else is new. they have never liked erin and i. and now jess got in on it too. but now days they wont say anything to me. its funny. cuz they will to everyone else, but not me. and i know they dont like me, but they dont have the guts to say anything to me. which i think is pretty funny.

i talked to my brother yesterday. hes in new york right now with his girlfriend, and when he gets back hes going to college in southern ohio. i hate to say it, but im going to miss him. we dont fight as much anymore. :(

its hard for me to believe that at the end of this school year, all my closest friends except 2 will be graduating. its gonna be hard on me. and im serious. john, ryan, chris, shaun, jack, megan and carie are all leaving me. shaun already told me he wasnt going to college, so ill still have him. i think though that for john, ryan, and chris, they will go to OSU. i dont think they are planning on going far away. if they dont live on campus, they will still live at home. lol. john will live on campus though, because i know he cant stand his parents. he will love to get out of there. but the only thing is, i wonder if they are going to pursue music. hmm dunno. as for megan and carie, i dunno what they are going to do.... my senior year it will be me, steph, thomas(hopefully), and Jen. thats for our group anyways. ill still have Litz, Erin, Jess, Katie, Saba, Emili, and Kt. notice all my guy friends are gone. lol. and dave and ricky will be graduating but they go to Groveport, they will probablky pursue music, or i dunno. dave went to eastland for architecture. so hmmm..... just the things to ponder in life.

anyways.... i have to go to arena next week to make my whole schedule. which is fucking gay. i liked the way they did it last year and the year before. they gave you a schedule and you went to arena to change it. grrrrrrrrrrrr... gay people. and now we have to have 8 periods and we get out at 2:16 instead of 2:00. and we start 5 minutes earlier this year at 7:20. last year we had 7 periods and if we were taking an 8th period we got out at 2:50. it was optional to take an 8th period. i hate our school.

im going to go now. i have to tell my mom that im leaving at 5 with megan. and around 6:30 we are going to the fair.

if you listen, listen close, you can hear when the heart stops, i saved the pieces, when it broke, and ground them all to dust. -AFI

my thoughts at 12:03 pm by fullcollapse
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Thursday, August 07, 2003

[ until the day i die, i'll spill my heart for you ]

ok... so i sit watching All My Children..and ring ring. the phone does just that. so i check the caller ID . low and behold its none other than Dave. he calls and we talk about nothing while my show is on commercial. and he gets all mad when i let him go. im like dude your on vacation. but he said he was mad cuz his friends were being dumb so we was walking by himself on the beach. and he took his keys with him, so they couldnt take the Vibe and leave. i was just like oh im sorry. what else was i supposed to say?

get ready for this. this just proves im a geek. i love napoleon bonaparte. i watched a 2 hour documentary on him. too bad i learned all the same stuff this past year in Advanced Western Civilization. get this, when in english we got to pick any topic to do a report on, i picked napoleon. i should have actually picked buffy, but i didnt . oh well.

hmm so now its 4:02, its quite boring. i want to get out. but i have no license to be able to drive. although i should. afterall i am 16. but hmmm nope.

looking up,
into the sky of broken dreams,
i feel the life drain away from me,
as my last dream is pulled from my very being.

do not waste your pity on me i ask,
after i'm buried in that spot,
i'll come back,
i'll get a second shot.

these lies i feed myself,
are my only hope,
but now i put them on the shelf,
i lose myself to cope.

as the dreams fall tonight,
i enter a trance,
you're far out of sight,
but tonight we will dance.

um so now that i got that out... it was weird, i just started writing. hmm weird. no not really. thats how i am. if you can't tell.

my mom will be home soon. hopefully we will go get my france pictures. probably not though. she always says we will go do something, but finds someway to back out. like when i need to go shopping. and i realize now i dont ask as much as she thinks. sure when i go, i find many things i want, but hey everyone has wants. but i really want to go thrifting right now. shaun and i are supposed to go before school starts. but he has to take jack and adam, its a tradition to go thrifting together. weird if you ask me. but hmmm.... oh well..

well im talking to jess right now bout john and angie and what not. so im gone.

the light filters thru, edging the darkness back. only to have the shades of time pulled shut.

my thoughts at 04:11 pm by fullcollapse
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