Monday, August 25, 2003
[ the runway lights are the deepest blue ]
my thoughts at 02:23 pm by fullcollapse
[ if you're a dream, then come true ]
if i could, i would wish it all away.
make it all be in the past,
instead of sitting here face to face.
why is it so hard, to forget your face,
all i want is to have an empty space in my heart,
where you used to be. i want to wake up,
and not think about you.
but its so damn hard.
first loves, are always the worst.
but why me?
why now?
why you?
yeah random i know
a convo between dave and i follows...
x2ndDaVeX: why do you confuse yourself?
Auto response from rubbeR DucKie159: :'( why do they make me so confused?
rubbeR DucKie159: u think i confuse myself?
rubbeR DucKie159: other people are the ones who confuse me
x2ndDaVeX: why so?
rubbeR DucKie159: i dunno. i just dont understand anyone anymore
rubbeR DucKie159: not even my best friends
x2ndDaVeX: ummmm alrite?
rubbeR DucKie159: what
x2ndDaVeX: how do you "not understand people"
x2ndDaVeX: your gettin all emo lately
rubbeR DucKie159: its not like i want to be that way
rubbeR DucKie159: its just...grrrr... i dunno
x2ndDaVeX: u seem depressed all the time
rubbeR DucKie159: because i am. but i dont want to be
rubbeR DucKie159: i'm usually ok when i'm out doing stuff with my friends. but then i go home and i'm like blah
x2ndDaVeX: no no no
x2ndDaVeX: friday night
rubbeR DucKie159: friday night. i was just down because john and amanda. and shaun has been ditching me, because of patty. and he wouldnt even talk to me much anymore. thats why i was like that friday
x2ndDaVeX: whats wrong w/ john and amanda
rubbeR DucKie159: nothing is wrong with them. its just john and amanda. i hate it seeing him with girls.
x2ndDaVeX: omg
x2ndDaVeX: kaitlin
rubbeR DucKie159: dont start
rubbeR DucKie159: dont i dont wanna hear it
x2ndDaVeX: and you wonder why i don't ever want to get involved
x2ndDaVeX: dude i will not lie to you, i like you
x2ndDaVeX: and more than a little
x2ndDaVeX: but i could never EVER deal with the john thing
rubbeR DucKie159: i know
rubbeR DucKie159: but i do like you too. but see i mess everything up. no wait. john messes everything up, well indirectly anyways
x2ndDaVeX: why do you still like him?
rubbeR DucKie159: i have absolutly no fucking idea
rubbeR DucKie159: hmmmm
x2ndDaVeX: ...
rubbeR DucKie159: ...
isnt that just great? nope
and will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head
my thoughts at 12:20 pm by fullcollapse
[ this is what living like this does ]
yeah so today i woke up at like 9? and went to sleepp until 9:30. woke up took my dogs out. and went back to bed til 11. lol. i was like why am i up so early? lo
yeah so i didnt drink that much last night. dave called me a lush. grrr... and then he got offline and i wanted to talk to him. and now he won't talk to me until i admit that i'm a lush. man he makes me so mad sometimes...
blah so i dunno what i am going to do today. i wanted to do something with erin. but i dunno yet. all i know is i am staying at ashley's tonight. she told me she is going to make me tell john how i feel. too bad he already knows. and i am not going to bring it up because he likes other people.
and chris told erin that dave ( like the dave she is in love with ) and amanda had sex. not the amanda with john. but this other amanda. mike's sister. at least thats what i think . it makes the most sense but yeah. well i am going to go . i have to try and get dave to talk to me. grrr
stop it come on you know i can't help it.
my thoughts at 11:27 am by fullcollapse
Sunday, August 24, 2003
[ pull this thread, as i walk away ]
yeah i just got home. its a little after eleven.
megan and i went to see whitney do some color guard stuff. then megan whitney and i went to brooke's house for like an hour. then dropped whitney off, when to get joe megans boyfriend from work , then went to megans then we went to mcdonalds then we went back to megans. that was one fun night.
lol i don't really have much to say now. so i think i'll go for the night. unless something exciting happens. hahaha
well i was wrong, something well it wasnt really exciting but yeah . it happened... i have played relationship counsler to ashley and josh. they are retarded for each other. everything would be great if they changed their relationship a little bit. i can see where josh gets annoyed, but ash needs to learn that she cant always get her way.
and then i helped erin with her relationship problems with dave ( not my dave. omg i called him my dave ahhh ) erin and i are in the same boat. and i can only help her out so far, because theres a point that i dont even know how to get past. if i did, i wouldnt write about how i love john like i do in this blog. well i would, but it would have a different take. ok well im gonna go
ok im back. so erin and i have decided we are not going thru this alone. we are going thru it together because we are in the same postition. tomorrow we are hanging out.
tomorrow night im staying the night at ashley's.
and right now i'm drinking wine. and when i'm done its on to the beer. yum. i'm drowning my sorrows. i know its not going to help me. but i can't help it. maybe steph is right. im going to be an alcoholic.
ricky was drunk last night and was talking to my away message. he said he is only happy when hes drunk. and i think thats how i am too..... hmm well bring on the alcohol. later.
if you want to destroy my sweater....
my thoughts at 11:21 pm by fullcollapse
[ it's to dying in another's arms, and why i had to try it ]
blah.. so i went shopping today. i got two pairs of pants. and a dress for homecoming or prom. i'm not sure which i'm gonna wear it for. i have a dress for homecoming. it was steph's dress from freshman year. so i think i am going to save the new dress until prom in april. its pretty its red with black over top. and it laces up the back. its my dream dress. it was 96 bucks. but yeah..
i didn't get any shirts today. i have to buy those on my own. :( oh well its cool.
my grandma is coming over to look at my france pictures, and to see the new dress. hmm i could always take a picture of the dress and put it on here. the only problem i have now is that i have a dress and no date. i guess i am gonna have to resort to going with dave. i bet john has asked amanda. or he will ask angie. he still likes her too. thats what chris said friday night. hmm.. i'm giving up on him. no not really, i have tried and i can't do it. but yeah i am giving up on homecoming. shaun told me to go with ricky. hehe which would be cute. but ricky and i don't know each other THAT well. and i mean he's hot, but we would have no ride there. lol, he and i both don't drive. so looks like dave. hmm...
well i think i shall go. i'll update later.
i'll always remember, it was late afternoon. it lasted forever, but ended so soon. ( well thats a new one right? i love a walk to remember )
my thoughts at 04:34 pm by fullcollapse
[ i always catch the clock, it's 11:11 ]
*Beginning*
What time is it // 11:59 pm
What is the date // august 23, 2003
*Info about you*
Full Name // Kaitlin Elizabeth
Age // 16
Sex // female
Birthday // 05/25/87
Where do you live // reynoldsburg
What state // ohio
Zodiac Sign // gemini
What school do you go to // rhs
What is your mascot // raiders
What are your school colors // purple and gold
Nicknames // kate, kiddo, katie( to a select few), kt lynn
Where were you born // westerville
What are your hobbies // listening to music, going to gigs and concerts, writing poetry, hanging with my friends.
Hair color // brown *the darkest brown ever it looks like black*
Hair length // past my shoulder
Eye color // brown
Height // 5'1" ok so sue me for being short
Have any pets // 4 dogs ( ugh i know )
What's their names // tommy, lily, lizzie, nikki
What do you fear most in the world // failure, death (?), loneliness
What do you regret the most // going out with shaun when i did. ( not going out with him persay just regretting doing it at that time )
If you could do anything without consequences, what would it be // blow up the white house
Do you have braces // nope
Do you have glasses // i used to before, contacts
Are you good at school // i guess
*Favorites*
Car // i dunno. right now anything that will run is fine! lol
Color // red and black and white
Teacher // mr. holmes, he retired, mr. jamison, he retired. and i love mr. anglim and mrs. rettke is up there.
Class // history
Day of the week // friday?
Holiday // i dunno
Season // spring, or winter
Month // may or january
Sport // baseball, track
Movie // this will take awhile... tommy boy, mallrats, lord of the rings ( all of them ), harry potter ( all of them ), star wars (all of them ), a walk to remember, dogma, the faculty, down to you... and many more
T.V. show // BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! and angel, smallville, and that 70's show.
Food // anything italian ( well anything italian without meat cuz im a vegetarian)
Drink // water, lemonade
Band // this will take awhile as well, finch, taking back sunday, the used, weezer, thursday, thrice, further seems forever, dashboard confessional, something corporate, saves the day, evanescence, afi, korn, taproot, trust company, adema, brand new, juliana theory, DAY BEFORE DISASTER( i love you john, shaun, chris and ryan ) 2ND DAY ( i love you jack dave and ricky, well brian too but i dunno you really).... and many many many more
Male singer // adam lazzara ( singer for tbs ) chris carraba
Female singer // amy lee
Word // hmmmmm
Brand of shoes // etnies. they are so comfy
Radio station // dont listen to it. but if i did, it would be either the blitz, or the big wazu
Room in your house // my room
CD // tell all your friends-taking back sunday, what it is to burn-finch, ok i'm not gonna name them all. just know there are a LOT
Pizza Toppings// cheese
State // hmm ohio.. i never thought i would say that, but you have no idea how great it was to be back in ohio after being in france.
City // paris!!!
Letter[s] // K, J, D, i dunno
Number[s] // 4,9
Vacation spot // france. i loved it there
Cereal // rice krispies, and corn flakes
Ice cream flavor // chocolate chip cookie dough
Video game[s] // not much into them. but hmm i dunno really
*Your Friends*
Friends // what about them? lol im confused
Best friend // steph, litz, saba, shaun
Spend most time with // steph
Who do you have the most inside jokes with // steph and saba
*Love Life*
Do you have a crush // yeah
Whats his or her name // john
How old are they // 18
How long have you liked him or her // july 30, 2002.. now thats sad.. actually i only know it because thats the date of warped tour
If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be // JOHN, ORLANDO BLOOM, ashton kutcher, josh hartnett
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be // john, or orlando man but hes too old so john
Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee // neither i hate them both
Do you think there is a person for everyone // yes
If yes, do you know who yours is // yes.. well i hope he is the one for me
Do you believe in love at first sight // yes, unless your blind. lol.
Have you ever been in love // yes.
What do you think love is // love is when you can't breathe, you're mouth goes dry, your heart races so fast you can feel it pumping thru your veins, and when they hold you, you feel like nothing can hurt you, you think about them more than anything and you are happy to just be with them, or see them. and when you come home from being with them, you cry, because you are so happy to be blessed with someone like that.
Do you have a bf or gf // no
How long have you been together // n/a
What do you like about your crush or bf, gf // he has gorgeous, dark, mysterious, and emotional eyes, and hes so adorable, hes got a great personality, and he makes me laugh.
When was your first kiss // 14
*Past*
First grade teacher's name // mrs geist
Last words you said // "thats all they ever do" talking about donna and eric on that 70s show and how they fight
Last song you sang // living in your letters by dashboard
Last meal you ate // get ready for this, noodles, cheese pizza rolls, and gummy bears. oh yeah yum lol
What did you hate most about school // getting up early, and homework, oh and haveing to have a damn hall pass, and getting in trouble for skipping classi mean whats up with that
*Present*
What's in your CD player // thrice, and weezer
What color sox are you wearing // white
What's under your bed //stuff
What's the weather like // sunny
What time did you wake up today //haha 11
Did you think it was earlier, later, or on time // earlier
*Future*
Who do you want to marry //people will tell me i dont know what i'm talking about if i say who i want to say... its obvious
Are you going to college // yeah
What is your career going to be //history teacher
How many kids do you want // 2
Kids names girls // jamie alexandra
Kids names boys // andrew michael
Where do you want your honeymoon // paris. its so beautiful and its so lit up at night. and you can sit down by the river and have a picnic. its so sweet
What kind of car will you have // je ne sais pas
*Have you ever*
Smoked // nope
Been Drunk // yes!
Been high // nope
Done drugs // nope
Skinny dipped //nope, but sounds fun
Stole // yea
Stayed up all night on the internet //yes
Been in a fist fight // with my brother, and i have punched chris really hard, but he never hit me back.
Been in a cat fight // no
Wanted to kill someone // ummm
Fell off a chair //yeah and i fell into a chair. in french i was sitting on the desk and slipped down it into the chair. it hurt too but it was so funny
*Other*
Do you like your handwriting //its ok everyone else likes it alot
If you could be anybody, who would you be and why // i would be buffy. lol yeah i'm lame, because she always makes it thru all the apocolypses. and she had two totally hot yet dead boyfriends. umm she has the best friends, and xander is the coolest guy ever.
Which superhero would you be // buffy. duh!
Do you have any piercings // ears
Any tattoos // nope but i want one
Are you picky // not really
What makes you cry // it starts with a "j" ends in an "n" and in the middle is "oh", people i love being in pain, death
Do you like cartoons //yes
Do you believe in heaven // yea
Do you believe in God // yea
Do you think there is a hell // no
Do you believe in the devil // no
When you get mad, do you swear a lot // yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got milk // i love milk
Do you have a magic 8 ball // no
Ever worn black nail polish // yep
Do you have your own tv and vcr // yep
Do you believe in fate // yes
Do you see dead people // no
Are you a good speller // yes
Do you ever steal anything from hotels // yep!!!!
What is your last name backwards // if i tell you, i'll have to kill you.
What time did you finish // 12:27 pm
my thoughts at 12:27 am by fullcollapse
Saturday, August 23, 2003
[ come on sweet catastrophe ]
no one can make me cry like you can.
no one can make me smile like you can.
no one can take my breath away like you can.
no one can make me wish things were different like you can.
no one can make me want to die more than you can.
no one can hurt me like you can.
no one can look into my eyes like you can.
no one can make me feel like dirt like you can.
no one can make me feel safe like you can.
and i'd bet it all,
no one can love me like you can.
just a little bit that i had to write down. so why not write it in my blog.
my thoughts at 11:37 pm by fullcollapse
[ a ghost is all thats left ]
its 10:33. i didn't do anything tonight. hey the night is still sorta young. lol
i have a desire to call dave. but 2nd day is playing right now. probaly until 11 or something. i dunno actually. i'm not sure if like i like him, or if i just really wanna make out with someone. lol. yeah well i can't wait to tell jess that i just put that in my blog. lol. she and i are weird like that. we talk about needing to get some. too bad she's outta town, her half-sister-in-law is having a baby. lol that sounded so weird, but like she has a half brother, and his wife if having a baby. hopefully you're not confused anymore.
but yeah i think since its just been awhile since i've kissed anyone, i wanna kiss dave. lol. the last person i kissed was shaun, but it was the night after i got back from north carolina, and we were staying at stephs. jack and steph were upstairs in steph's room. and shaun and i had the basement. i didn't mind sleeping with shaun ( not sex course lol ), cuz he is after all my best friend. i'm totally comfortable around him but yeah shaun and i had layed around talking in the dark. and he kinda just had taken my head and kissed me. i'm not sure why, but i kissed him back. lol. ok so i'm gonna sound dumb talking about my best friend and kissing him. lol but he is a good kisser. but its not that weird, cuz he and i had dated back in the day. lol. so yeah. i dunno. needless to say i regretted in the next morning. so my point is, i dunno if i kiss dave, if i will regret it afterwards.
i'm confused. cuz last night online, dave was like "you hate me and you didn't want to kiss me tonight" and i was like "what? i dont hate you, and you don't know whether or not i wanted to kiss you." the truth is i sorta did want to, but not around everyone. but yeah i dunno. i have talked about this long enough lol.
so yeah i am listening to thrice. i love them.
man i love my new cell phone. i am such a homo. but i love it. hehe my happiness will die down in a few days.
i get to go shopping tomorrow. woo hoo FINALLY. hehe
well i am gonna go. ill update later tonight..
i'm due for a miracle. i'm waiting for a sign. i'll stare straight into the sun, and i won't close my eyes.
my thoughts at 10:41 pm by fullcollapse
[ tell my friends i'm dead ]
ok well i'm sitting at work right now. lol. im bored so i decided to get online.
i guess i'm not doing anything tonight. i really wanted to see 2nd day play again. but no ride means no seeing 2nd day. pooie.. that makes me so mad..
so i've been sitting here and this is what i have come up with...
soon i'll be alone again,
with no one to call a friend,
well thats a lie,
but believe me, i'll still cry.
i'm losing them all,
and soon i'll begin to fall.
because you'll be gone,
no one will be here for this song.
even though you're feelings exist no more,
you still make me smile,
just like you did before.
follow your dreams,
unless they are so far out of sight,
you can't see them.
yeah so obviously i have been bored. lol. well its 7:08 and i get off at 8. i have been here since 4. blahhh... john and chris went to bernie's to see someone play. then they are heading over to see the dizzle. i didn't wanna ask them to have to come all the way back to reynoldsburg to then go to refugee. so yeah. and i didn't wanna ask dave. he wouldn't have been able to bring me home since tonight he has to take home the equipment. i could always have gotten a ride with chris or adam home. but oh well...
maybe i can talk my dad into going to the dollar movies tonight. or i'll see what megan's up to. hmm
well i should probably be going. since i'm supposed to be working and all.
i'm leaving you, this time its for good.
my thoughts at 07:10 pm by fullcollapse
[ don't try to fix me, i'm not broken ]
yeah thats weird.. i didn't update when i got home last night. i went to steph's around 4:30. i didn't get to go shopping yesterday. but yeah
i got my new cell phone. and im absolutly in love with it. lol.
last night it was steph, adam, shaun, patty, amanda, john, bransen, shawn and i. john and amanda were all kissy kissy. but when it was just amanda steph and i, i was like are you and john going back out? and she was like no, she doesn't really know whats going on between them. i dunno if she knows how i feel about him, but she probably does. but yeah... shes really nice.
shaun's truck broke down, he and patty got a ride with john.
steph won these two blow up aliens lol. she got one for adam. lol.
while 2nd day played, john, who the king of benching, got benched. after years of being the bencher, he turned into the benchee. and then got really mad and pouted by sitting on the ground. amanda was supposed to be the bencher, but steph was instead. adam was the bench. john was upset i felt bad, i tried to go talk to him, but he wouldn't talk to me, even though i had nothing to do with the whole thing. so the rest of the night i was paranoid i was gonna get benched lol.
dave didnt know what benching was, so the deal was to bench him. i dunno if we ever did.
dave's mom was there last night i felt kinda weird cuz i dunno. i smiled at her though. but last night online dave said she said i didnt wave or say hi or smile. i was like ok? shes really a nice lady.
2nd day did good. brian of course left right after they played cuz dave told him he could. LIKE A DUMBASS. john shaun amanda and patty left around 11. probably cuz patty had to be home. remember shes only gonna be a sophomore. lol. nah jk.
shaun gave me a big hug and said he loved me. i missed my twin a lot. lol. he was like to patty, this is my best friend thats a girl. he knew i was upset with him though. he said we are gonna hang soon, i'm not really counting on it though. hes going to north carolina soon, he told me he would bring me something back, i had brought him a smallville poster. he loved it. lol.
dave was like flirting with me, sorta? and everyone saw it, but i mean i kinda like him, but i told chris i dont, because dave gets annoying. but i dunno. we were talking about homecoming, and i was like yeah i have a dress and no date. shaun wants me to go with ricky. lol. but i told shaun i probably just wont go. which will suck cuz everyone is going, but i dunno.
man ricky looked HOT last night. lol me and him talked but not much. he's so adorable. the giant blow up aliens were taller than he and i both. lol
john seemed kinda sad early in the night, but then he was an ass to me. but then he wasn't. he was kinda flirty. but not. it was weird.
i dunno.
but i think maybe i should get going. this is kinda long. ill update more later.
your voice chased away all the sanity in me
my thoughts at 11:44 am by fullcollapse
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[ called ] Kaitlin
[ remix ] Kate, Kiddo, Katie ( to a select few anyways )
[ blows out the candles ] May 25
[ candles ] 16
[ brushes ] dark brown hair with red highlighs
[ sees the world thru ] brown eyes
[ stands at ] 5'1"
[ ear candy ] Finch, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, Further Seems Forever, Thursday, Evanescence, Saves The Day, Something Corporate, Dashboard, Juliana Theory, Weezer, AFI, Korn, Taproot, TRUSTcompany, Adema, Saliva, Day Before Disaster ( much love to you guys ), 2nd Day ( i love ya guys! ) much more...
[ latitude, longitude ] Reynoldsburg, Ohio
[ lives for ] shaun. but i'm still in love with John...complicated i know  the true love of my life lol
Now it has occurred and I can't escape, from these memories that run so deep, prevented of everything devoid of sleep, and my attempt at deletion remains incomplete.
Contact Me
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