Tuesday, August 19, 2003
[ you were right there, when i shot her ]
yeah sorry about all the lord of the rings stuff. its just my new obsession. i tend to obsess over many things in case you havent noticed. my biggest obsession is with buffy, and angel. harry potter is up there too, and lord of the rings is making its way. i think its safe to say i love fantasy type deals sorta because none of the stuff i love is real. but sometimes i believe it is.
so orlando bloom is hot. dave doesnt think so . but then again what does he know? lol orlando is now my desktop, screensaver, and AIM icon. yeah im weird.
i went driving again tonight. i really need to hurry up and drive and get my license. i can get it in october. woo hoo. freedom will come at last.
well im gonna go im talking to megan and dave. ill update later as usual.
i went to the party last night, there were people there laughing all the time. i saw no faces i recognized, what was i doing, wandering the house
my thoughts at 09:43 pm by fullcollapse
[ but a night like this is begging to pull me apart ]
my thoughts at 04:21 pm by fullcollapse
[ would you be my best friend, if i offered you my heart ]
Lord of the Rings is so freaking awesome. im still reading the Fellowship of The Ring, but its better than the movie. as most books are. but i just finished watching the movie and i love it to death. and besides Legolas is hot (orlando bloom) ahh hes hot. but i wish i was an elf. see this is what happens to me, i begin to love something so much, and i wish it were me. like i wish i were a slayer, and i really could fight vampires and such, and then i wish i was a wizard like in harry potter. and now i wish i was an elf like arwen. im so weird. only i wouldnt have given up my immortality. but yeah thats not my point.
i wanna go to the movies with erin and jess today. i talked to jess about it. we might go. i havent been able to talk to shaun so i guess we arent doing anything. dave called me cuz 2nd day had practice, but jack was with DBD. i dunno. and he said john wasnt home which is where they practice. but then john got online like 10 minutes later, but i was watching my movie so i didnt bother talking to him.
but yes now i think im gonna go because i wanna talk to some people online.
last night i had a dream, that we went to disney land, went on all the rides, didnt have to wait in line. i took you to your house where we stare up at the stars, i listen to your heartbeat as i held you in my arms.
my thoughts at 03:37 pm by fullcollapse
[ another false alarm, red flashing lights ]
today i am supposed to hang out with shaun. but i dunno if i wanna do anything right now. hes at dbd practice anyways. maybe ill see if we can do something tonight, instead of today. besides i have to clean out my dresser and do my laundry and such.
im listening to the used i love them. i saw them in concert in february with finch. i remember when i first found out about the concert, it was like in december and john and i were going to go together as a date, but then he broke up with me before it, and as you know if you read one of my first entries i started going out with shaun. and shaun and i went together with branson and shawn. it was so cold and we stood outside for an hour and a half. i had to go into chipotle and sit down because i couldnt feel my feet. i was so cold. but yeah. it was an awesome concert lol
i have to go get my thursday ticket. and then i need to get my check cashed from work, so i can buy my saves the day/taking back sunday ticket. this is gonna be the greatest month.
ive realized i like being in my dreams so much better than being in reality. i can only be with john in my dreams, so it is there that i am truly happy. but it reminds me of a song by the band agent felix ( they have since changed their sound and their name to Mashlin ) it says...
so here I am
locked away in a perfect dream
take a look around I have everything
and the more I stare
the more I feel so empty
cause soon I'll wake up with nothing
its just a dream
I can't bring any of it back with me
(go back to sleep)
cut out my eyes before they tell my mind
what they just saw
I'd rather be naive
so lets play pretend and I'll believe in anything
that is my life right now. but now i think im gonna go let my puppies in, and then watch a movie.
should've done something but ive done it enough by the way your hands were shaking rather waste some time with you.
my thoughts at 11:28 am by fullcollapse
[ is it worth it, can you even hear me? ]
yup here i am writing my traditional late night yet early morning entry. i watched Men In Black II because i was so bored tonight. yeah and well dave told jack last week he might be going to our homecoming and jack couldnt figure out who dave would go with. and then steph finally said somethin about me and dave going to homecoming possibly and jack finally got it. lol hes so silly sometimes. gotta love my honkster!
dont you love it when your best friend is always there for you always saying just the right thing so your not sad. yeah i wouldnt know what that feels like because my best friend, is a bitch and doesnt think about what she says. usually it hurts my feelings.. hmm she doesnt think about anyone but herself. great friend huh?
that all started because we were talking about homecoming and i was like i wish i could go with john, but i know it wont happen. and she goes, yeah i really dont think he likes you like that any more at all. i was like well damn thanks steph for making me feel SO much better. but jess made me feel better. i love her so much. she is becoming one of my best friends. soon i think it will be steph, litz, shaun, and jess as my best friends. woo hoo!!
so right now im talking to ashlee. i havent really talked to her in awhile. i love that girl. she has always been there for me, when i needed her. right now we are talking about how gay guys can be. yup yup. good ol ashlee. i hope she goes to ryanpalooza this year! it will be fabulous. hmm weird word..
megan and i have decided that we are going to write songs for a living. and we are also going to own a llama farm, and also have a pet llama each and im gonna name mine john. it will be sweet. and everyone will wanna be as cool as me and her. yup yup thats how its gonna be!!
and well i think im gonna go finish talking to ashlee and maybe head to bed soon. i was hoping dave would get on, but oh well... wait why did i want him to get on? weird.... and i wish john would get on too!
the cup is not half empty as pessimists say, as far as he sees, nothings left in the cup
my thoughts at 01:30 am by fullcollapse
Monday, August 18, 2003
[ losing everything on the downfall ]
yeah well i just got home. i went shopping with my dad and grandma. my grandma was gonna buy me the coolest lunch box ever. it was star wars. and it came with a star wars thermos, i really only wanted the thermos, cuz i dont need a lunchbox. but oh well i didnt get it.
so i went driving tonight. i hadnt been driving in so long. and it was the first time in our jeep. i used to drive my bros car, but now thats with him at college so yeah.
saturday i think i am going to caldwell with my mom to drive down there.
friday 2nd day is playing, i might go. dave asked me to go a long time ago. and steph wants me to go. so hmm ill probably go.. and thursday is the reynoldsburg/picktown game. its at crew stadium like it was freshman year. but we are playing pickerington central, since they have two high schools now.
im talking to alex right now. shes chris' sister shes only a year younger than me. shes cool i like her. we are talking about patty and how we dont like her lol..
alright well im gonna go.
im watching you descend. im hovering instead.
my thoughts at 08:58 pm by fullcollapse
ok so i got bored again.
so last night on the phone with dave, he kept trying to get me to tell him who my away message was about ( remember how i talked bout that before ) well i wouldnt tell him, and i just started talking about my shorts that i got yesterday at rio grande. i think it had made him even more mad lol but i thought it was funny. plus i love my shorts. lol im such a dork.
so chris thinks patty is his, but she told shaun she wasnt. big dumb thing if u ask me. she told shaun she was confused. i think she wont wind up with any of them, and she just likes the attention they are giving her. thats what megan and i think anyways.
john is home from cedar point now. i talked to him a lil bit earlier today.
right now im listening to TRUSTcompany, i haven't listened to them in awhile. i saw them in 2002 at Warped Tour. they were pretty sweet. i only really started liking them alot because chris loved them and listened to them all the time. and i was dating him at the time, so yeah. thats how i really started to love adema and korn too. i remember one day steph was like what happened to your taste in music? lol it was funny..
dont you love my pictures of adam? hehe... hes my god.
well i'm gonna go eat my pizza now.
i slipped away, further from you
my thoughts at 05:45 pm by fullcollapse
[ Pouring over photographs, I'm living in your letters ]
heres more pictures of Adam, isn't he sexy? yes i know he is.
i thought maybe you wanted to see one in color, instead of all the black and white. i think the black and white fit with my blog better, but i couldn't stand it. i love this man.
cuz turning to you , is like falling in love when youre 10my thoughts at 02:55 pm by fullcollapse
[ sunlight is manufactured in a windowless room ]
so right now its 12:37 and i just finished watching Bio-Dome. its kinda gay, but it was something to do.
i think soon, i'm gonna get my shower, im not doing anything with shaun today, he and i both decided tomorrow was better.
i talked to dave on the phone last night for a little bit, he wanted to know who my away message was about. it saod "would i be out of line, if i said, i miss you" and it was actually about him. but im not really sure why. its weird. i think its just cause i havent seen him in awhile maybe? i dunno about my feelings of whatever, but i did succeed in making him upset. i told him about my brother's two hot roommates. and he was like your just trying to make me jealous. and i wasn't well i don't think i was. but who knows..
i think john is back from cedar point. because chris' away message says, "Day Before Disaster will own all." and john's away message usually says "Day Before Disaster will rule all" when they are having practice. so thats why i think hes back, but i could be wrong.
man school is going to start soon, i think it starts the 3rd for us? im not sure why we are startin so late this year, that means we wont get out until like june 12 or sometime around there. its sad that i dont even know the date school starts for sure. but i do know that im going shopping wed. or thurs. for new clothes. mosly just like a sweatshirt or two, and like two or three pairs of pants, and some new shirts. not a lot or anything. i want to get new shoes, but my mom wont let me. i got new ones in march, they are blue suede etnies, but they dont go with everything so i am constantly wearing my red and white etnies from April of FRESHMAN year. they are all comfy, but worn out. lol. and then i have my green flames shoes that i brought back from France, but those don't go with everything either so yeah.
well hmm... dave isnt talking to me online. i bet hes playing his drums. he really wants to be Travis Barker. hes convinced he will be him someday. i hate to say it, but dave is a big show off when it comes to his drums and his car. i dont know if he got his new *Orange County Drums* yet, but yeah. and he has a red Vibe GT. i mean its cool, but he shows off too much. sure hes a good drummer, but sometimes its too much.
this is kinda weird... last night when i was talking to dave on the phone, he was like i gave patty shit for making out with john. i was like do you give every girl who makes out with john some shit? and he was like no just the ones i care about. i was like so why did u give her shit. and he was like john's kinda dirty. i didnt say anything then, because i dont see it. but maybe its my feelings that hide those things. my feelings hide a lot of things i realized. but then i also realized that i dont care what he looks like or anything. so i believe it proves the old cliché "Love is blind". but thats just my theory..
well i think i am going to go get my shower. ill update later.
maybe i should hate you for this, never really did ever quite get that far
my thoughts at 12:49 pm by fullcollapse
Sunday, August 17, 2003
[ everything i know about breaking hearts, i learned from you ]
in life we are given many gifts,
and one gift,
we value above all else.
eventually we wear out the gift.
and we lose it or break it.
we can buy a new one,
but it will never be as great and,
will never bring as much joy as the original.
there are no memories with the new.
hold on to the old,
as long as you can.
they will be what gets you thru life.
just another jumble of words that spring out of my head to my fingertips and to the world wide web.
so i watched "How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days" tonight. i'd seen it once before in the theatres with Megan and Carie. in the middle of it though, my grandmother calls, and in the middle of that call, Dave beeps in. of course my dad doesn't answer the other line, i really dont think he knows how to but yeah. and my cell wasnt on. so i didnt get that call. my dad wont get off the phone, so i get online, and get dave to come back from his away state, but he didnt talk much, and i never found out why he called.
i realized as i was sitting and pondering daves reason to call, that i still like dave. i realized i wanted to do something with him tonight, but from what i can see, he already had plans. oh well ill talk to him later this week and see if he wants to do anything.
so im doing something with shaun tomorrow. although i think ill see if i can postpone until tuesday. tomorrow i just want to do nothing. take a nice shower, ill be home alone. no brother here to bother me. and what not. tomorrow will be my day. thats all i have to say.
what else to say... nothing much really
i'm in an emo mood. hell i've been in one for so long now. but tonight its extra emo. i hate seeing "love" in movies, because it reminds me of how much love i lost when i lost john. but enough about john....
so i feel bad for my twin. chris said patty only wants chris. not shaun. i told shaun i would always be here for him whenever he needs me. and i told him that i love him with all my heart. because i really do. i dont know what i would do without my twin here.
well i think i'll probably go for now.
is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with, cause i've seen more spine in jellyfish, i've seen more guts in eleven year old kids.
my thoughts at 10:13 pm by fullcollapse
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[ called ] Kaitlin
[ remix ] Kate, Kiddo, Katie ( to a select few anyways )
[ blows out the candles ] May 25
[ candles ] 16
[ brushes ] dark brown hair with red highlighs
[ sees the world thru ] brown eyes
[ stands at ] 5'1"
[ ear candy ] Finch, The Used, Taking Back Sunday, Further Seems Forever, Thursday, Evanescence, Saves The Day, Something Corporate, Dashboard, Juliana Theory, Weezer, AFI, Korn, Taproot, TRUSTcompany, Adema, Saliva, Day Before Disaster ( much love to you guys ), 2nd Day ( i love ya guys! ) much more...
[ latitude, longitude ] Reynoldsburg, Ohio
[ lives for ] shaun. but i'm still in love with John...complicated i know  the true love of my life lol
Now it has occurred and I can't escape, from these memories that run so deep, prevented of everything devoid of sleep, and my attempt at deletion remains incomplete.
Contact Me
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