Entry: [ all i can do is sigh, and wonder why ] Thursday, August 28, 2003



i didnt want to update right now, because i wanted you to see lovely and gorgeous orlando when you first came to my diary, but i felt the need to put this conversation between dave and i in here....

rubbeR DucKie159: you think im weird.
x2ndDaVeX: yes
x2ndDaVeX: sometimes
x2ndDaVeX: but your the cutest:-D
x2ndDaVeX: your so adorable

rubbeR DucKie159: yay! :-D
x2ndDaVeX: your smile
x2ndDaVeX: i like it
x2ndDaVeX: and your eyes are VERY cute

rubbeR DucKie159: really
x2ndDaVeX: staring into them makes me want to kiss you haha so i avoid it
rubbeR DucKie159: oh i see
x2ndDaVeX: i feel bad kissing you
x2ndDaVeX: i feel like i'm leading you on
x2ndDaVeX: i want to sooooo bad but
x2ndDaVeX: the john thing

rubbeR DucKie159: yeah i know
x2ndDaVeX: did you think anything would ever happen between us?
rubbeR DucKie159: i dunno. i kinda wanted something to.
x2ndDaVeX: ..
rubbeR DucKie159: ...


now dave hasnt said anything in awhile. i am doomed to live a life of loneliness because i am in love with john. no relationship will work out for me. but its ok. because i feel that maybe i'm not supposed to have a relationship right now... i dunno

i put too much hope and too many dreams,
into the skies at night.
i wish on stars that aren't meant for wishing,
i constantly search for the light.

i trust fate too easily,
and that is my downfall,
it will surely be my end,
but i will still stand tall.

won't you just take my hand,
and whisper in my ear,
that fate is on my side,
and i have nothing to fear?

hold me in your arms,
and kiss me on my head,
this is what i ask every night,
right before i go to bed.


ok well i think i will go. nothing good can come out of me right now.

it breaks my heart, and makes me sad, to think of all the times we had

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